one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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