You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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