no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
