how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
