just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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