Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
