If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
