So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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