id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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