i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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