So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Too much gin, very little bucket
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
