Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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