Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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