If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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