Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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