So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
