if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
