Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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