Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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