what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
