he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
