My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
