I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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