Whod you bang
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
