she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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