You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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