Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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