we have officially lost it.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he shaved USA in his pubs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
