Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
