Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she told me i tasted like america
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
