wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
