so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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