i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
