i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
