we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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