Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
