I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
