I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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