Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
