I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your penis caused this!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
