Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
