All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
