just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
