There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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