Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
