I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
