he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
