I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
