I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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