They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
