You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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